you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
