soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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