She is in my trunk
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
