what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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