this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
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The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
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If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
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It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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