Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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