he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Randomize
