but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
