I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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