Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
we should paint friendship bongs
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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