that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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