I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
