Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
