I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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