in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
How's your threesome situation going?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.