o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.