sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
