He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
