I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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