we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
