Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
