the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
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