In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
