They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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