i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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