3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
