I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
