Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
