I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
