Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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