last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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