I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
