I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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