i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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