Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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