i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
