is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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