We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
As shirtless as possible
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
