My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
