your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
