But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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