I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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