I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
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