you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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