So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
