20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
