Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
