Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
