We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
