I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
