at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
