we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
This is the high leading the old right now
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
