She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit