This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
