If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?