he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
