i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
