Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
