My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
