I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
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I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
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New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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