I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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