It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
