the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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