i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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