he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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