dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
