Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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