Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
